Interviewing "The Man"

• Jazz: Hey Mr, can you give me access to your toll road? I heard it's the quickest way to get to the 'Big City'.
• The Man: You heard that, huh? Well somebody sure told you right little fella. This here highway was built for the sole purpose of getting good people to the 'Big City' faster than they could on those old roads. We pave the roads pretty regularly so they're as smooth as a baby's bottom! Yes sir buddy. We got the best road this side of the Mississippi.
• Jazz: Really!? That sounds even better than what I've heard so far. I can't wait to travel the road and find out all about it myself!
• The Man: Well, son. I hate to disappoint you but, uh...well son...this here road's for uh...ummm...how can i say it? Right. Son, this here road's what we call a "private-access only" road. I don't think you'll be able to get to the 'Big City' this way.
• Jazz: Sir? I don't understand.
• The Man: What don't you understand little fella?
• Jazz: Well, you said the road's the best way to get to the 'Big City', right?
• The Man: That's right.
• Jazz: And I can see the road right in front of me. It's right there.
• The Man: That's right.
• Jazz: And I have the money to pay for the toll. I've been saving up my whole life for this Mister.
• The Man: That's admirable little boy, but what is it that you don't understand??
• Jazz: Well, if that's the best road, and I can easily see it, AND I have the money to pay for access, why is it still private? What else could I possibly need, sir?
• The Man: That's simple son...you just need a card that says "Private access granted."
• Jazz: Okay, that sounds easy enough. How do I get one of those?
• The Man: (Hearty laughter) Son, didn't they explain that before you got here. You can't just "get one of those"...those cards are assigned at birth!